2/23/2005
The Plan - As Shaky As It Is
My plan. What’s my plan? Do I have a plan? Not much of one yet and it sure isn’t very well organized. I’m scared of getting too regimented and setting myself up for failure. I became so hyper focused before that I pushed my body WAY too far and it rebelled and shut down. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.
I’ve been off the health track for a while now and now that if I push it too hard and too fast I’ll just crash and burn. I have begun to exercise again but, for me, that’s the easy part. I LOVE working out. I recently closed my daycare so I have a lot more flexibility as to when I can work out too. No more having to get up at 5am and knowing that if I don’t get it done then, that I’m screwed for the day, or if I sleep in I have to cut my work out short. My workout plan is simple - straight, full on cardio 3 times a week and cardio/weights or interval training 2 days a week. I’m going heavy on the cardio because more than anything I want to burn this hated fat off my body. I’m still using the FIRM because I love the workouts and frankly, they work.
But food. Oh glorious food - you are my greatest enemy. My biggest problem is that I’m a compulsive eater. I eat from emotion, good or bad, and at times I consume massive quantities of food. I know from the past though that I need to work very slowly and gingerly on reconditioning myself with regard to food or I will binge and binge and binge some more. Right now the most important steps for me are -
- Eating at scheduled times
- Making healthier food choices - but no restrictions
- If a binge occurs - go with it, be done with it, journal about it and what may have triggered it and move on
And that’s it. Right now that’s as strict as I can be. Anything more and I will hyper focus on food and binge all the time. These techniques that are in my list come from Dr Fairburn’s book Overcoming Binge Eating. This book is a fantastic read for people with true binge eating disorders and after reading the book I’m sure I’m one of them. The tip off for me? That loss of consciousness of my surroundings when I am stuffing my face with handfuls of chocolate or marshmallows or something equally horrifying. I have no concept of time or even what’s going on until it’s over. I’m working harder on being more aware of what I’m doing around food but it’s going to take time.
So that’s it. My plan so far. Above all I’m going to be flexible and just try. I’ll be trying to remember to take my vitamins every day and to drink more water. I’ll be weighing in on Fridays. Whatever happens - happens. But this time I will not obsess about it. I promise.
Julie wrote at 9:17 am
1 comment2/21/2005
Back to Work
I’m back from dropping off the face of the earth and ready to start living my life healthier again. I have been through a lot in the last few months and have done some serious re-prioritizing in my life. My family and my health are back on top where they belong. I sunk to a very deep low in the last few months but I am now ready to pick myself up, dust myself off and begin anew.
In a nutshell, regular readers will remember that I had a lump in my neck that I found over the summer that doctors told me was just a swollen lymph node and nothing to worry about. By December it still hadn’t gone away and even though my ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat Specialist) told me he felt confident it was nothing to worry about he left it up to me what to do. I told him I needed to know what it was. So he said I would undergo surgery to have it removed and biopsied.
I underwent surgery on December 30th and the news wasn’t as expected. It wasn’t a lymph node but a tumor that had wrapped around 3 lymph nodes. My doctor assured my husband when he spoke to him after surgery that he was confident still that it was nothing to worry about. After 2 agonizing weeks waiting for results it turned out to be a benign lipoma - a tumor made up of fatty tissue. Relief does not even begin to describe what I felt - thankful even grateful for another chance to do things right.
In the months preceding my surgery I rebelled heavily against healthy living. After all where had it gotten me? With a lump on my neck and the rest of me feeling like shit. Why bother eat right and exercise? Didn’t do me any good anyway, right?
Well the childish rebellion is over and I’m ready to get back to living right. I have been working to eliminate stress from my life as much as I can in situations and in my thoughts. I am slowly eating a healthier course of food although it’s still not great. And I’m getting back into my workouts gradually too. I’ve packed 28 pounds back on but I keep telling myself that at least I’m still down almost 20 from where I originally began this journey in August of 2003.
I am not following a specific weight loss plan. I am just going to eat at scheduled times so as not to get too hungry. I will eat fruits, veggies, low fat dairy, whole grains and lean protein as much as possible and allow myself to indulge my cravings and not set myself up for any binges. I will exercise Monday-Friday with Saturday and Sunday off as that is what works best with my schedule. I will drink more water than I have been and slowly work my back to at least 64 oz a day. I will take my vitamins and my supplements. I will be sure and get 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
That’s my plan. Simple and hopefully effective. Hang on - here we go again 
